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Politics The only deal the Tories know how to make is a bad one

The Conservatives are screwing up everything and May couldn’t be any more unpopular. But, wonders GARETH WILLIAMS, who could replace her?

AT THE start of 2017 Prime Minister Theresa May felt invincible. Teetering on the precipice of a dictatorship, she decided to take it over the line by “crushing the saboteurs” in a supreme election, which turned into a tactical disaster.

Certainly no-one foresaw the DUP having such a major role to play in Brexit. It’s fair to say that, at one of the most pivotal moments in modern British history, the Tories have given the lunatics the keys to the asylum.

With their wings clipped but still completely undeterred, the government lurched forward into 2018 with more austerity the dish of the day, except for a few of their favoured chosen elite who get a big old slice of the public money pie.

Sure, there are daily dystopian horror stories regarding underfunding in the NHS, astronomical rail fares, a lack of affordable housing, public services hanging on by a thread, overworked social services, and a million other things, but those are not good investments for this government. 

They were happy enough handing over millions of public pounds to their mates in the business world, with companies such as Carillion and Capita receiving big juicy contracts.

They paid no regard to the long-term prospects of those in Carillion’s employment, who, you know, actually did the work for the equivalent of a grain of sand, while the big bosses built sandcastles.

It is shameless how the Conservatives keep public money between them and their mates, almost as if they are taunting and mocking the common people.

Let us not forget the outrageous billion-pound deal with the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) — a right-wing, homophobia, creationist, pro-execution bunch — that was stitched up last summer.

Not a nice set of people, even by the Tories’ standards. So shameless was May’s bid to cling on to power that not only did she ruthlessly spend money she previously denied was there, she has also potentially destroyed years of progress in Northern Ireland. 

The implications could be catastrophic. Certainly no one foresaw the DUP having such a major role to play in Brexit. It’s fair to say that, at one of the most pivotal moments in modern British history, the Tories have given the lunatics the keys to the asylum.

DUP leader Arlene Foster has now become the chief puppet master to the government, despite hardly figuring at Westminster before July.

As shadow Brexit secretary Keir Starmer said, the DUP are the tail wagging the Tory dog. Some would go as far to venture they are more like one of those zombie bugs that burrow in to an injured creature and slowly take control of its functions.

Brexit is not all bad for the Tories though. Distraction from major issues while quietly pushing life-changing policies through is one of their favourite tactics.

So while the public’s money is given to their friends, expect the Tories to double up with big businesses, billionaires to get more tax breaks at the cost of everyone else, and the NHS to be continually chipped away. 

Don’t worry though, the public’s voice is being heard in some areas. Yes, with benefits being cancelled and foodbanks needed in every town and city, May has decided now may not be the best time to repeal fox hunting. Savvy. 

What really needs repealing is the government itself and the honourable thing to do would be to go to the polls once again.

However, the Conservatives will try to cling on to power until the bitter end. It’s hard to see them calling an election in 2018 unless internal changes force their hand. 

You never know though. Cabinet reshuffles have taken place, what with the completely unsurprising revelation that some Tory ministers turned out to be self-serving, sexually inappropriate and obsessed with pornography.

As May’s position grows ever more unsustainable, who will step in? Jacob Rees-Mogg, perhaps? Here is a man who, having watched Mary Poppins as a child, must have decided to emulate the evil bankers. 

Rees-Mogg has been popping up more and more in the media recently. He even hung out with US President Donald Trump’s former best mate Steve Bannon to discuss how right-wing movements could win here and across the Atlantic. 

No doubt, this 19th-century throwback is hoping to sell himself to the voters as another “steady pair of hands” and launch an “I am better than you so leave it to me” sort of campaign.

Maybe Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson is the man to replace the Maybot? Old BoJo is still bumbling around but his popularity is rapidly eroding away. 

What about Michael Gove or Jeremy Hunt? Surely, surely, the Tories don’t have the brass neck to put these two despised men in charge.

Andrea Leadsom always seems to be in the running, despite the farce last time round. 

No doubt this headline-grabbing infighting, dodgy goings on, Brexit and braggadocio “I’m alright Jack” rhetoric is to potentially distract the public from wanting an end to austerity in 2018.

It is therefore important the public remain vigilant and scrutinise every Tory policy. They are a government in free fall, the only deal they know is a bad one and a self-serving one and it is time public money got spent on the public. 

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