“We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons — but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters” — Gloria Steinem.
The belief that women are naturally empathetic gives neurological backing to the continued state of affairs in many of our families.
Despite increased narratives in popular culture about co-parenting and stay-at-home dads, women are still found to do the majority of childcare and are seen as the “primary parents” in the majority of homes.
There are also more narratives about gender neutral parenting, with many people certainly believing and striving not to impose sexist ideas onto their children.
However, experimentation shows that most of us fail and that we may begin to subconsciously treat our children differently from before birth and throughout the most crucial developmental stage of early life.

Study 1

DOLLS FOR BOYS

Weitzman, Birns and Friend, 1985

A famous experiment interviewed 26 sets of parents about whether they were happy for their child to play with toys that were “typically” for children of the opposite sex. All of them said they were.

The researchers then interviewed their children and asked whether mum and dad would be happy with them playing with certain toys.

When asked about playing with a skateboard, 80 per cent of the boys thought their parents would be happy for them to play it. Only 25 per cent of the girls agreed.

When asked about playing with a doll, almost all of the girls thought that was fine. However, only 16 per cent of the boys thought mum and dad would be happy if they played with a doll.

Study 2

CRAWLING EXPECTATIONS

Zosuls et al, 2009

Researchers analysed 400 random birth announcements in local newspapers in the US.

Mothers of 11-month-old babies accompanied their child in an experiment.

The mothers were shown an adjustable sloping walkway and asked to estimate the steepness of the slope that their child would be able to crawl up.

There was no difference found in the average crawling abilities of boys and girls at 11 months.

However, mothers on average underestimated their daughters but overestimated their sons.

When we consider gender differences at home, many women think not only about childcare but also about the other major bugbear — housework.

Domestic division of labour at home is still far from equal, despite some improvements in recent decades.

Arlie Hochschild in The Second Shift (1990) described how, in families where both parents work full time, women on average do twice as much childcare and housework than men.

So, behind every great man there is, most likely, a great woman. But behind every great woman we may well find a smelly pile of washing up and a small, grubby child in need of some attention.

Study 3

BEHIND EVERY GREAT WOMAN IS...?

Mason & Goulden Faculty Study, California, 2004

In this study of men and women working in California University, researchers found that women worked on average for 51 hours per week, did another 51 hours of work for family and home, and once eating, sleeping and washing was considered, they had a grand total of 26 minutes per day of free time.

Men, in comparison, were able to spend an extra five hours in their job (increasing their chances of promotion, etc) because they only did 32 hours of work for family and home. They had two hours free time per day — over four times as much as women workers.

Study 4

Now, many argue that women’s jobs are more flexible than men’s. Most jobs aren’t very flexible at all in my experience, but it is amazing just how “bendy” women seem to be able to make them in comparison to men.

HALVING IT ALL

Francine Deutsch, (from Belkin) 2008

Two couples were interviewed. In one couple, the man was a doctor, the woman a professor. In the other couple, the jobs were reversed — the woman was a doctor, the man a professor.

When asked about who did most of the childcare and why, both couples described the woman’s job as more flexible, rationalising that this was why she had primary responsibility for their kids.

Study 5

In the world of work itself, some of the most illuminating experiments about gender have highlighted the extent that many people discriminate against women.

The hurdles don’t just happen when looking for promotion or equal respect and pay with male colleagues — the first wall often appears the second we write our name on top of the application form.

KAREN AND KEITH SEND A CV

Steinpreis, Anders & Ritzke, 1999

Two identical CVs were produced by the researchers, and one of them was sent to 100 university professionals to assess their suitability for a job.

The only difference between the two CVs were the names: Dr Karen Miller, or Dr Keith Miller.

Both the female and male psychologists believed that Keith had better research, teaching and service experience than those who had received Karen’s CV.

While 75 per cent would hire Keith, only 45 per cent would hire the identically qualified Karen.

Another study looked at how not only being a woman but being a mum affects our chances in the job market.

Correll (2011) “advertised” the position of marketing director in a communications company, and hirers in this study decided that applicants who were mothers were 10 per cent less competent than non-mothers, 15 per cent less committed to the workplace and worthy of 11 per cent less salary if hired.

However, only 47 per cent of the mothers were recommended to be hired, compared to 84 per cent of non-mothers, so they wouldn’t have been very likely to get a chance to fight for equal pay anyway.

If you were wondering whether those results are just discrimination against “parenthood,” rather than motherhood, similar studies of the same type have shown that being a father is no disadvantage at all when applying for a job. It’s just Father’s Day, every day.

To sum up, neither I, nor neurologists examining this subject such as Cordelia Fine seek to argue that there is definitely no gender difference between the brains of women and men.

As John Stuart Mill recognised in 1869: “No-one knows, or can know, the nature of the sexes as long as they have only been seen in their present relation to one another.”

Our world and our experiences in it are too skewed, too prescribed and too immersed in the entrenched sexism of our history to get a clear understanding of innate gender differences in the brain free from the malign influence of structural oppression.

So we simply have to challenge ideas and look forward to the day when children are allowed to grow up without bigotry, without role prescription and without limited expectations.

Only then will we be able to begin to understand the complexity, and maybe, the differences in our brains.

Nikki Dancey is GMB branch secretary for Berkshire & North Hampshire.