We don’t mind Boris, he’s a howl, a hoot,
A harlequin, a loveable clown,
A blimpish Beau Brummell, a bumbling John Bull,
Blond Bullingdon Bulldog, albino
Posh-boy yob but no ASBO,
BoJo yoyo, Poundshop Trump,
A blustering, huffing Heffalump,
A bargain basement Prince Regent
Bouncing about in Shadbelly and breeches,
He’s after all a descendant of King
Georgie Porgie Pudding the Second

Port-swilling Tristram Shandy, harrumph,
Prone to much sedentary chuntering,
Harrumphing after-dinner speeches
And pompous opinion pieces,
Spinner of politically incompetent tropes
And incendiary soundbites:
“Picaninnies” with “watermelon smiles” —
Who compared Muslim women in niqabs
To “letterboxes” and “bankrobbers”  —
Who completely failed to pull off
Swiftian satire in a histrionic
Article calling for a culling of the Scots,
Sans disclaimer: This is ironic (?)

We might still have a monarch
But she’s just a rubber stamp
Purely symbolic
(We’re all banana but no republic!) —
No wonder she’s so grumpy:
She’s the grimacing figurehead
Of a banana monarchy
In our unicorn country

No need for Nigel Farage when
Boris brings dogwhistle government —
Gone-rogue
Prorogue
Go ogre go
Blond ogre O
Blond rogue

Boris O Boris Regent Bo
Be careful what you grope for
Slip on the banana-skin
Of parliamentary democracy
And a banana monarchy
Becomes banana anarchy