CHRISTIAN WAKEFORD, the Tory MP who crossed the floor to become a Labour MP, got a long profile in the Guardian which managed to expose not just what is wrong with Wakeford, but the corrupted state of Westminster itself, drawing a picture of shallow, unprincipled careerists grabbing what they can from corporate lobbyists.

It’s all the more surprising because the Guardian profile is very sympathetic to Wakeford.

Wakeford was a newly elected Tory MP in 2019, with a very slim 402-vote majority in a typically Labour seat. A small shift to Labour would see his MP’s career stopped. 

His 2019 election relied very heavily on the former Labour MP, Ivan Lewis, who was suspended over sexual harassment allegations, first running as an independent and then calling on voters to back Wakeford. Even without much of a move to Labour, Wakeford would be lucky to hang onto his seat.

Crossing the floor and becoming the Labour candidate was probably a good way to stay in Parliament. He stopped being the marginal Tory who was lucky to get elected and becomes the incumbent Labour candidate.

There is little evidence that he had some kind of political epiphany. Wakeford was a signed up member of the “Nasty Party.” 

In 2021 he called Labour a “bunch of cunts” on Tory WhatsApp because he was angry that Labour was opposing a £20 cut in universal credit. 

That year Wakeford also spoke strongly in favour of cruel Tory plans to refuse asylum to any refugees who came to Britain via a third country deemed “safe.” 

Wakeford spoke about refugees in the most revolting terms, saying asylum-seekers have “a shopping trolley as to what they want” and only seek “economic migration.”

Wakeford hasn’t contradicted these stances since claiming he is now a “Labour” MP. 

It’s hard not to see a meeting of two cynicisms: a cynical Tory MP claiming to be Labour to hang onto his seat, and a cynical Labour opposition with an uninspiring leader already moving rightward on benefits and migration  who are desperate for any “win.”

Certainly the Guardian profile didn’t unearth any political epiphany. In fact, despite closely shadowing Wakeford, the Guardian’s Helen Pidd didn’t seem to detect any political passion in Wakeford at all.

Instead, she wrote: “Watching him today, I can see he is also an MP who loves the boys’ club atmosphere in Parliament, the banter, the drinking, the lobbyists competing for his ear. 

“At one point in the afternoon, we attended a reception for Mondelez International, which owns the Cadbury brand. I assumed he had some special interest in regulating the sugar industry, but all we do is sample a chocolate fountain and have a laugh with some of his lobbyist friends.”

The picture of MPs being shallow-minded people who just want to be part of a parliamentary “boys’ club” where they get flattered by lobbyists, whose ambition is a free chocolate fountain at an exclusive reception should be shocking. But it isn’t.Because there is a whole big mechanism behind guzzling at the chocolate fountain freebie. Wakeford is not a one-off.

Mondelez/Cadbury hold their parliamentary reception every year, usually in March. The chocolate fountain and other freebies are made available in the “Terrace Pavilion.” 

This is one of the many “reception” areas in the Commons, because a lot of corporate-sponsored entertainment happens inside Westminster.  

The Commons describes it as “A purpose-built heated marquee” with “panoramic” views of the river Thames which is “an idyllic setting for a glass of chilled champagne.” The “oak wooden flooring and drapery offer a perfect tabula rasa for corporate presentations.”

A “perfect tabula rasa for corporate presentations” — a clean slate for businesses to scrawl their orders — is a terrible metaphor for Parliament.

Wakeford was far from alone — the Terrace Pavilion can hold 140 people in a “standing reception” like the Mondelez event. 

It’s relatively cheap — £3,000/half day — to hire the pavilion and schmooze MPs. But you need to persuade an MP to sponsor the event. Tory MP Bill Wiggins usually sponsors Mondolez’s party.

You also need lobbyist to organise the event. Mondelez has in the past used lobbyists Teneo Blue Rubicon to put on its party. 

It has recently switched to another lobbying firm, Weber Shandwick. These lobbying firms in turn have to hire former Tory head office staff and other political insiders. That’s a great big industry at the heart of our government just to pour some melted chocolate down the mouth of Christian Wakeford.

But it’s worth it. Mondelez isn’t giving Wakeford liquid chocolate because it is just a generous host. It is a corporation seeking political influence. 

Mondelez is part of the coalition that has successfully derailed government anti-obesity plans for years, but it always need new political cover.  

Just this month Channel 4 Dispatches exposed as children as young as 10 “carrying out illegal and dangerous work in gruelling conditions on cocoa farms in Ghana directly linked to Cadbury” — the child labour was on farms supposedly part of Mondelez’s “fair trade” scheme.

The sad thing here is that corporations use all kind of expensive ways to persuade politicians — post-politics jobs and  consultancies, tickets for high-profile events, but Labour’s latest recruit is happiest guzzling at the cheapest trough, selling himself for a go on the chocolate fountain.

Fawley dispute

JUST round the corner from me workers at Exxon’s Fawley, near Southampton, have started a series of strikes. 

They are employed by three subcontractors — Trant Engineering Limited, Veolia Services and Altrad Services. 

The Fawley workers say the pay offer of 2.5 per cent is “pathetic” given oil industry profits and they also should get sick pay like directly employed staff. 

Of course they should. The oil industry can afford it, and so can Trant Engineering. After all, between 2015 and 2019 Trant Engineering paid moonlighting Tory MP for Bournemouth Conor Burns an extra £40,000 a year, on top of his MP’s salary as a “consultant.”

It was paying him at £1,000 an hour. Unlike the Fawley workers, Burns has no oil or engineering experience. He came into politics from jobs in public relations.