GROWING up in Liverpool as a football-mad kid, my idol was the Reds' no. 9, the Scottish player Ian St John, immortalised on a church billboard amended by some local wit, “Jesus saves! St John scores on the rebound!”

Like comedian Phil Differ, whose hero was the equally diminutive and equally combative and skilful Leeds United player Billy Bremner, I wanted to be a clone of my idol. But, like Differ, I pretty soon realised that was never going to happen. There's always someone tougher and more skilful out there to take you to the cleaners.

That shattered dream is a common one for many and how to cope with the reality of simply not being good enough smacking you in the face is the theme of Differ's one-man show Billy Bremner and Me.